You are the quintessential wounded achiever!
And this little missive isn't just fodder for the gaping maw of a boring afternoon.
It's your invitation to the challenge of a lifetime!
I know. You're salivating, right?
A good challenge piques your interest like the slop calls to a hog!
But are you ready for THIS challenge?
Today you are like the raging river tearing up the land.
You find shelter in the overwhelming power of motion. Your banks are disturbed by the bitter, heavy roots of your past. The churning, heavy winds of your anguish play rough. All around you lies the debris left behind by frequent floods, raging torrents of water. Nothing grows on this land, at least not for long!
Up until now, you couldn't even imagine breaking free of this ferocious movement. It has always seemed that your true potential would simply remain forever lost in this "safe," anxiety drenched graveyard of possibilities (ravaged one by one and discarded).
But you have begun to wonder. In fact, if you look closely, you will see. Your thoughts are ablaze with ideas about placid shores lined with productive foliage and crops that span the land.
Against the odds, whether you have noticed or not, you are planning an Uprising, a revolution of peace! Otherwise, what are you doing here?
As for me? I have come to echo the call of your heart. I invite you to settle in and settle down.
Should you accept, in the stillness and the silence, we will encounter both the breathtaking beauty and the wretched, gut wrenching ugliness of that which has sustained you until now. This is but one leg of a vast journey. We will also discover your greatness. Then, towards the end, will tame your anguish, cut you loose from your past and chart a course for your renaissance.
Are you ready? Of course you don't think you are. You are still hung up on the word WE. You dance a wild and chaotic dance. You are not accustomed to partners.
Alas, you have met the first challenge. Before it's over, you must find the courage to journey with another.
Will you take my hand?
Before you decide, I believe a tribute is in order!
You could have given up. Many people in your shoes did give up! But not you. You have incredible resilience and an amazing kind of stamina. No matter what kind of resistance you face, you just keep on keeping on.
In fact, I think I saw the Energizer Bunny poop out about a mile back, but you're still running!
In all seriousness, I think they invented that old saying just for you: “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”
I humbly bow to you!
I also shudder at the site of your weary eyes.
In truth, it was those eyes that prompted me to ask if you are ready. They contain a somber truth about the way you have lived your life. Not a trace of the pain you have experienced lives on in your eyes. Not an ounce of real passion wets the irises.
Everyone says the eyes are the windows to the soul, and in yours, I see only tired distance and wanton distraction. You are a merciless task master! Just as I said, you have an amazing stamina and an uncommon drive.
You can't stop!
And in your perpetual motion, you have lost yourself.
Heartbreakingly, despite your considerable accomplishments, you have yet to touch your greatest potential. It remains lost in a whirlwind of endless action. If you are not running away, you are running around in a state of constant busyness. You do not believe that anything can be achieved other than through tremendous drive and doing, doing, doing.
Yet, despite all this glorious effort, you are often at a loss for what effective action looks like. Sometimes you actually have a very hard time focusing. After so many hours, days, weeks...of forced action, you become like a dog chasing its own tail.
I understand! You are caught in your own clever ruse. In all honesty, your doing isn't even about achieving a desired outcome - at least not in the most efficient manner. It’s about staying one step ahead of the things that haunt you. You are on the run from the ghost of your sadness. So what good would effective, direct action be?
You also spend a lot of your time worrying and feeling panicked about everything that could happen and everything that needs to get done (always by YOU). If you are not doing, you are thinking incessantly. With your hyper-vigilent mind, you are always trying to stay one step ahead of any and everything. Ironically, you also seem to miss important clues about what actually is going wrong (and right!).
In short, your considerable drive and your legendary will are often set against false adversaries and set to meaningless tasks. Sadly, your beautiful and intricate mind is beset by constant ruminating.
All in all, this is like wearing a fine silk dressing gown into a mud bath: totally unnecessary and a crying shame. What a waste of treasure!
You are driven to this constant action and to this compulsive thinking by an unrelenting need to achieve perfection. Nothing is ever good enough, especially not you. If you earn an A you agonize about not earning an A+. If someone offers you a bushel you ask why they didn't give you a barrel.
This is not a simple lack of gratitude and appreciation, mind you. This is also a clever game you are playing. If you and/or you life ever got to good enough, there might be nothing left to do!
You are also plagued by an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and by a terminal kind of self reliance. If you don’t take care of things, who will? "No one!" That is your resounding answer. As a result, even if others were around to pick up some of the heavy load, you wouldn't let them or you would micromanage their every move - doubling the load for everyone. In fact, you even micromanage your relationships. You work overtime trying to make sure the other person doesn’t disappoint or hurt you.
To you trust feels like death. As a result, relationships, more than anything, evoke a tremendous amount of anxiety for you. So, as soon as anyone gets close to you, you find something else that needs to be done. How many more hours can you spend at the office? In the gym? Out running errands? Perfecting your golf game? Those who manage to form relationships with you despite your constant motion, your micromanaging and your tendency to run away, wind up very lonely people.
Worse yet, you have just about convinced yourself that you don't need anyone. But sometimes, as a quiet moment slips in unannounced, you find that you are caught off guard by your own presence. In those moments, whether you can admit it or not, the truth is revealed. You are incredibly lonely.
You yearn to trust and to connect. But just as soon as you touch your yearning, you also touch your hunger for another hit of adrenaline. If there isn't a crisis already brewing, you will cook one up through reckless behavior, risky ventures or self sabotage.
Hell, if you can hit the trifecta, so much the better.
Let's be honest here. You play a survivalists game just to prove you still can!
By now you may be very close to burnout on every level. Nonetheless, even as you get closer and closer to a collapse you may already be planning how to regroup and get going again.
Instead, I invite you to take a deep breath and pause with me for just a spell.
Be still for a brief moment while I tell you the stone cold truth (as if I have been holding back until now. Ha!) about what lies ahead.
The challenge you are up against isn't another mountain to climb, but rather an invitation to come into a restful repose over and over again.
I imagine, I pray, I daydream that despite everything you have endured, you are still harboring a hope and a hunger for sustainable, safe and healthy connections and for a life that you can enjoy. Possibly you are even desperate to get to the root of your problem so you can finally move into a place of real happiness and joyful relating. At long last, maybe you are longing for MORE.
Longing isn't enough!
I'm not going to sugar coat it for you. Your tendency towards perpetual motion may be hard to conquer. Once we learn to escape our pain through achievement and perfectionism, it becomes very hard to sit in the stillness and imperfection of our lives. It is also very difficult to lay down the mask of perfection. It’s even harder to ask for help – especially for someone like you who is so accustomed to relying only on your own resources. To do so is to transgress the tremendous, self imposed taboo against needing anything or anyone. This taboo supports your sense of yourself as the omnipotent, fully independent custodian of your own life.
Fortunately, you don't have to choose between becoming a helpless, ne'er–do–well, couch hugging slug and running yourself ragged.
In fact, if you are just willing to humble yourself enough to seek the subtle support you need and to finally risk journeying into the quiet, tranquil spaces that will allow your pain, your grief and your natural genius to surface, so much MORE is possible.
Yes, you heard me right. Your pain, your grief and your natural genius come as a trio. You can't achieve your greatness without finding a way to finally be with all that you have lost.
Once you do find a way, you will be able to let go of the resistance that you use to block your own accomplishment and to prop up your busyness. In fact, once you check your tendency to run without ceasing, you will discover the truth of who you are.
Underneath all of your perpetual motion lies a "mad" scientist dedicated to curing cancer, an innovator with the power to change the world, an inventor with the will to revolutionize our human experience…
Your ruminating mind was meant to be the space where possibilities arise and are refined. Your perpetual motion derives from your natural ability to direct, and most importantly, sustain the kind of doing that brings potential to life.
You are the natural embodiment of brilliance in motion.
You are the Achiever Par Excellence.
The moment you choose to show up as the Achiever Par Excellence will also be the moment when you walk away from all you think you know and from all the ways you have survived until now. As the Achiever Par Excellence you will give up your perpetual motion in favor of a life centered around steady targeted action that is directly tied to the vision you desire to bring to life.
In other words, you will learn to balance your powerful doing with clear vision and laser focused perseverance. Rather than completing endless tasks that allow you to escape intolerable circumstances, you will begin to apply your considerable dedication and stamina to the task of making your dreams a reality.
In order to do so, you will have to override your natural tendency to flee and learn to make a grand and powerful stand for your own desires. That means replacing your endless commitment to doing with a powerful new kind of commitment to yourself and your desires.
But first you have to make contact with your own center and you have to figure out exactly what is is you desire!
In other words, it's time to make a date (or 1,000) with stillness and silence!
This quiet impassivity is the main, active ingredient in a powerful anti-venom cocktail that will transform you from the proverbial headless chicken into a wise old bird whose instincts tell her exactly where to fly. Likewise, your fidelity to yourself and your dreams will serve as the bolt cutters you will use to cut yourself loose from your own self sabotage, and most importantly, from your profound loneliness. Your commitment to bringing your gifts to this world will be the lancet you use to drain the buried anguish and the putrid stain of loss from your own heart. It is also the very thing that will train you our of your tendency to behave like a runaway train.
The Core Challenge
I know. I have made it sound so seductive, so poetic, so formulaic and simple.
Don’t kid yourself!
You learned to run away because you couldn’t afford to let your pain and the truth of your circumstances catch up to you. When you finally stop, you will very likely encounter the truth of just how much suffering from abuse and/or abandonment you have managed to outrun during these long years of constant effort. You will come to realize just how completely you abandoned yourself.
Honestly, this is going to hurt! In fact, many people just like you will touch the stillness and recoil from the pain they find there just as they would if they touched the scorching hot, glowing red burner on an electric stove. Even more people will reject the task of finally addressing their circumstances with clear, directed action.
That's because your doing has never before really been your own.
It has been your reaction to what happened to you, or worse yet, a command performance imposed by those who sought to bolster themselves through your accomplishments. To reclaim your own actions, and for that matter, your own inaction, from this trap will mean facing the worst of what you went through head on. This may feel like a fate worse than death! It will also be a huge relief when the day is done. Most importantly, it will be worth it.
If you choose to continue this process, over time you will become the powerhouse you were born to be. Your achievements could very well become the stuff of legends because you have developed more stamina than most people ever need. The power of your mind is no less impressive. All that ruminating has taught you to examine things deeply and it has trained you to follow multiple lines of thought effortlessly.
Ultimately, as you begin to understand and address the relational price of your unchecked doing and your escapist tendencies, new possibilities for love and support will also open up. Before you know it, you might find that your relationship successes and pleasures are the stuff of legends too.
Now, do you hear that clinking sound?
That is the sound of champagne toasts jubilantly offered in celebration of your dreams realized and your desire for love finally developed on the tender point of hope that has kept you reading all the way to this glorious end.
A New Beginning
Are you ready to continue the journey that will bring you out of your perpetual doing and into a life of powerful achievement and profound connection?
Don’t let that feeling of readiness fade! Take the next step.
- Gain clarity about where you are
- Find out what is keeping you stuck
- Discover where you want to be
- Learn how you can close the gap between the life you have and the one you want
- Create a clear and effective strategy for unleashing the power and potential of the healthy, well-rounded, world-changing Achiever in you
- Snag your chance to apply for my Trauma to Triumph Program.
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