You are the quintessential wounded visionary!
And this little missive isn't just fodder for the gaping maw of a boring afternoon.
It's your invitation to the adventure of a lifetime!
I know. Just like Bilbo Baggins, you don't want to leave the Shire.
And just like Gandalf. I'm not likely to just shrivel up and blow away in the face of your disinterest!
At least not right away!
Today you are like the seed kernel trapped beneath the rocky ground.
You are sheltered by the hard shell of your defenses and your coping strategies. Your subterranean cocoon is lined with the bitter, heavy roots of your past. Above you, the weeds are growing. They are the hearty, drought resistant foliage planted by someone else in the garden that rightfully should have been your home.
Up until now, you couldn't even imagine breaking free; you had no desire to break out. It has always seemed that your true potential would simply remain forever ensconced in this "safe," cozy graveyard of possibilities.
But you have begun to stir. In fact, if you look closely, you will see. Your thoughts are ablaze with ideas about claiming your place in the sunshine.
Against the odds, whether you have noticed or not, you are planning an Uprising! Otherwise, what are you doing here?
As for me? I have come to echo the call of your heart. I invite you to blossom.
Should you accept, along the way, we will encounter both the breathtaking beauty and the wretched, gut wrenching ugliness of that which has sustained you until now. This is but one leg of a vast journey. We will also discover your greatness. Then, towards the end, will break the shell and we will chart your course for the surface.
Are you ready? Of course you don't think you are. You are still hung up on the word WE. Alas, you have met the first challenge. Before it's over, you must find the courage to journey with another.
Will you take my hand?
Before you decide, I believe a tribute is in order!
In the face of terrible adversity, you have developed a trait that others spend their whole lives working on. You have overcome your pride and learned to surrender effortlessly. Religious adherents and spiritual seekers the world over have nothing on you. You can so easily let go of your ego. Not only do you go with the flow. You become it!
You also have powerful visions and big dreams. No one can weave dreams like you can. Truthfully, you have unparalleled potential because your capacity to envision is larger than life.
I humbly bow to you!
I also ache at the sight of that far away look in your eyes.
In fact, it was those eyes that made me invite you to this journey. They contain a somber truth about the way you have lived (or rather, avoided living). Not a trace of the pain you have experienced lives on in your eyes. Not an ounce of presence or passion wets the irises. No life dances across the surface when the light hits your pupils. Those eyes made me wonder where you are and where you have been.
Everyone says the eyes are the windows to the soul, and in yours, I see only tired distance and a few traces of a wayward spirit. Just as I said, you have amazing vision. Your imagination knows no limits.
And that's THE PROBLEM.
You've become a prisoner of your own mind. You are lost in a solitary daydream. As a result, your powerful imaginings almost never see the light of day.
Where others fight to the bitter end for the things they desire, you never learned to fight at all or even to defend yourself. Or perhaps, you may have learned that fighting and defending are dangerous things to do?
Either way, where others struggle to surrender, you struggle to hold the line. This means that people can easily run over you because you give in to the inevitability of your own destruction with little or no resistance. As a result, your most precious treasures lay undefended. Your greatest aspirations remain unfulfilled and your highest potential has never been tapped.
Rather than fight or run, you spend a lot of time numbing out. With your gift for visionary thinking, you have built an alternate universe in your mind which may or may not include a myriad of voices you mistake for real life friends and foes. Sadly, you have lived your entire life in exile from within the confines of your own body.
Very often, you find yourself lost in a nightmare cloaked in a fairy tale!
Let’s be clear! Your inability to connect with reality in a sustained manner and/or to make a stand for yourself has cost you dearly.
First and foremost, it has allowed predatory individuals to easily take advantage of you both by confusing your reality further and by applying even minimal amounts of force.
Further, even though you may have big dreams. You feel helpless to move beyond your fantasy life and to bring your dreams into this world as flesh and blood experiences. Even if you do get started on something, you give up and return to your fantasies as soon as you hit the first wall of resistance. That is because, your visions and dreams aren’t about realization. They are your proverbial castles in the sky, your escape from reality.
Chief among the realities you so ardently wish to escape is the lack of genuine love and caring in your life. Perhaps fortuitously, for you, relationships are actually an aberration. You avoid them as much as possible, preferring unavailable partners or to shun contact altogether.
In your mind, a simple equation applies: Human Beings = Dangerous (at worst) or Disappointing (at best).
Solitude is your greatest comfort and your greatest anguish. Whenever possible, you isolate and hide yourself from human contact, preferring the safety of your own loneliness and the distraction of TV, video games, online forums…
If you do happen to blunder into a relationship, it is usually a bad one. Yet, you feel unable to do anything to change your circumstances or even to assess them correctly. Instead you cling to the comfort of fantasies, including fantasies about the relationship. You also isolate yourself from the other person as much as possible. When isolation is impossible you numb out and comply. Above all, you do whatever it takes to reinforce your own collapsed and avoidant state.
Or do you? Perhaps not anymore!?
If you have gotten this far, I know you are longing for MORE. By now you've got to be very lonely and more than a little bit bored. Despite everything, I bet you are hungry for more meaningful pass times and for safe, healthy, sustainable connections. Possibly you are even desperate to get to the root of your problem so you can finally turn your big dreams and your powerful visions into a reality. I know you intend to rise.
Longing and desperation are not enough! Naked intention will not break the ground.
I'm not going to sugar coat this. The challenge you face is steep. We learn to numb out and disappear into fantasies when the painful life experiences we have faced were sustained and inescapable. In other words, this is where we go when no other coping mechanisms are available to us.
This makes coming back down to earth and learning to flex our muscles on our own behalf a truly frightening and daunting experience. It also makes picking up the dream of real intimacy a terrifying proposition.
Hope deferred in fantasies is comforting because it leaves the door open for a different future. Hope dashed on the rocks as we work towards the realization of our dreams and the construction of real castles made of brick and mortar can feel like death.
Many people in your shoes do not have the will to take even the first step along the path that lies ahead. Most will never find the courage to clasp my hand. The vast majority will never leave the Shire. They will imagine that adventures like this are for natural born heroes and then they will go right back over to the couch and start watching The Discovery Channel.
Fortunately, you don't have to be a Robinson Crusoe or some gun toting cowboy with a will to conquer the Wild West in order to go where we're going.
You just have to say yes and show up for the departure.
And then keep showing up!
In other words, if you earnestly wish to bring your vision to life and to realize your vast potential, MORE is possible. With perseverance, you can go from being the wounded visionary (trapped in your own mind and by your habit of capitulation) to being the Visionary in Chief in the venture of a lifetime. As The Visionary in Chief you will surrender only to the power of your own extraordinary ideas and to the kind of flow that will help turn your visions into a reality.
When you choose to become the Visionary In Chief, you will also be choosing to walk away from everything you think you know and from all the ways you have survived until now. Along the road to a more robust and fulfilling life you will have to confront your own tendency to disappear into your head and collapse into inactivity.
Ultimately, you will have to stop spinning fantasies in the sky and begin creating powerful and enduring visions for your real, everyday life. That means incorporating a dollop of order and practicality! It also means making a hell or high water commitment to yourself and to the fulfillment of your visions.
In short, as you become the Visionary In Chief you will have to give up your old habits of fantasy, inaction and isolation so that you can develop the habits of clear sight, powerful supportive action and discerning collaboration.
You will, of course, also still have to use your unparalleled ability to let go and give up, but only in those rare instances where further activity and resistance are dangerous and/or counterproductive. Similarly, you will also still need to use your extraordinary capacity to be still and to do nothing. But rather than being tools of premature submission, they will become tools of discernment, buying you time to determine your next move. In the same way, stillness and silence will go from being tools of self sabotage and isolation to providing deep reservoirs of wisdom to which you can turn when you need to recharge, expand your vision and chart new courses.
At times, you will find that your ability to easily surrender allows you to jump into the flow of life and let it carry you effortlessly to your desired outcome. At others, you will find your back against the wall and the stakes at an all time high. In those moments you will have to make a powerful, grounded stand for yourself and your dreams.
In other words, ready or not it's time to make a date (or 1,000) with sustained effort and powerful action!
It's also time to break your isolation and start seizing what this world has to offer.
This up off the couch and out into the world business is the key, active ingredient in a powerful anti-venom cocktail that will wake you from a state of suspended animation and carry you to the conclusion of a vivid quest for a life you can truly love. Likewise, your fidelity to yourself and your dreams will serve as the bolt cutters you will use to cut yourself loose from your own self sabotage, and most importantly, from your profound loneliness. Your commitment to yourself and to bringing your gifts to this world will be the lancet you use to drain the buried anguish and the putrid stain of loss from your own heart. It will also be the thing that trains you out of collapsing and into championing your desires.
The Core Challenge
I know. I have made it sound so seductive, so poetic, so formulaic and simple.
Don’t kid yourself!
As you move along the continuum from learned helplessness to conscious activism, and from fantasies to discernment and sustainable vision, you will confront the painful events of your past like never before. You had good reasons for trying to kill off the part of you that sees clearly and acts accordingly.
You will likely discover just how profoundly you were abandoned and abused and just how completely you then abandoned yourself. Grief will be the watchword of the day and tears will be your companions. Fear will rear its ugly head. Action may feel like courting ultimate danger and clear sight may feel like an invitation to death.
This is the time to use your powerful ability to surrender in order to give in to the process of grieving and re-emerging. It is also a time to cleave to your newly developed vision with pure devotion. Finally, this is also the time to adopt that old saying, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." Kick boxing anyone? Exercise will help counteract your tendency to freeze in place and revert to your fantasy life.
With time and perseverance, you will come through this time of grief and into a space of blossoming potential, including the potential to finally experience real love, support and community. With new relationships and sound visions will come new challenges. You will have to remain forever mindful of the price you once paid for your unchecked fantasies and your tendency to give up and give in to other people’s agendas. But beyond that, you will have to develop real empathy, first for yourself, and then for those who prove themselves worthy of your presence. Only then will you finally be able to establish trusting relationships with deserving partners while also pursuing the realization of your dreams.
Now, do you hear that clinking sound?
That is the sound of champagne toasts jubilantly offered in celebration of your dreams realized and your desire for love finally developed on the tender point of hope that has kept you reading all the way to this glorious end.
A New Beginning
Are you ready to continue the journey that will bring you down from the clouds and turn you into a powerful protagonist in your own Visionary Venture?
Don’t let that feeling of readiness fade! Take the next step.
- Gain clarity about where you are
- Find out what is keeping you stuck
- Discover where you want to be
- Learn how you can close the gap between the life you have and the one you want
- Create a clear and effective strategy for unleashing the power and potential of the healthy, well-rounded, world-changing Visionary in you
- Snag your chance to apply for my Trauma to Triumph Program.
****Use this code to receive a 50% reduction in the price of your session: TAQ 50.